Number 8

Graham's birthday was a day full of negativity. I went to bed that night with my windows closed and woke up the next morning earlier than normal. It was about 6:30am. Austin wasn't awake yet and the air felt still. Creepily still.

I went to work just to get my mind off of things. There I met a patient, Clara Kate Holloway. She seemed confused, distraught and unaware of her surroundings. She was laying in the mental health wing of the Good Samaritan Clinic.

What I don't quite understand is what happened to me. When I woke up I was still tired, a little groggy, but I couldn't fall back asleep. I've never been one to believe in ghosts. I'm not superstitious and I've always felt that people who claimed to have seen ghosts were simply crazy. But after this morning, I took a walk on the crazy side. I finally understood those who'd said they'd seen ghosts, granted some of them were just making it up for attention.

But this morning I saw Graham. I felt his touch, heard his voice, and remembered how good it felt to be loved. I hit myself multiple times thinking I was dreaming. But Graham reassured me that I wasn't. I found myself thinking that I should be where Clara Kate was laying. I don't usually interact with my patients and tell them about my personal life. But I found a little of myself in Clara Kate and I needed someone to talk to.

My conversation with Graham's ghost was the first real conversation I've had in a while. It didn't seem sugarcoated, he didn't ask how I was feeling, and he didn't tell me that he knew what I was going through was hard. I introduced myself to Clara Kate and proceeded to tell her how my conversation with my husband went:

"Ri, it's me. I'm here for you."

 "Graham? What's happening? You can't, you can't be here. You left me 7 months ago."

 "Ri baby, believe me. Talk to me. Hold me while you can. I'm here."

"It's you! It's you! Look at our precious boy. His name is..."

"His name is Graham Austin Sminote. Born on January 4th 2012. Baby I was there. I was with you. I'm with you every time you cry. I'm there to protect you when you're in danger. I never wanted to leave you but it was my time to go. God has a reason for everything he does."

 "No. Stop! This can't be real. I need you."

"Ri, you have me. I will be there whenever you need me. But you can't sit in your bed crying, wasting away."

"Graham, I still wear my wedding ring. I can't take it off. It goes with me through my ups and my downs."

"I am here for you. And I am here to tell you that you must move on. For me, my parents, and our child. You can't continue to live in a shell. You have to get out and be yourself. Be who you want to be. You never skipped work before. You always were independent. You were a go getter. Be that. That's who I fell in love with and that is who someone else will fall in love with if you just let them."

"But I can't! I can't. I am afraid of loving. My heart has been filled with an enormous amount of hate."

Our conversation ended with words I will never forget:

"Riley. I want you to keep that ring forever, as a symbol of my love. My love for a girl who is strong willed, independent and not afraid to fall in love again."

Telling my story to Clara Kate made it that much more real for me. I guess I am crazy and I'm definitely not ready to love again. I have things to figure out about myself and about my family. But having Graham there today, helped me immensely. He ultimately told me to move on. But I don't think I can find someone who treated me half as good as he did.

After work, Page and I have plans for dinner. I'm debating about whether or not to tell her about my encounter with Graham. I'm not quite sure if she'll be as understanding as Clara Kate was.