The day started out with crying as it has for the past month or so. My senses are numb and the days have all started to blur together. I wake up, get dressed, cringe at the sight of my changing body and go to work in the neighboring city at the hospital. I haven't been staying in my Castle apartment since I got the news and to be honest I don't think I can ever sleep there again. I plan on moving out as soon as the summer is over.
He was 6'4'' with beautiful blue eyes and the darkest brown hair you could imagine. We both graduated from the Benedict Jones school where he started there in 4th grade and I started in Kindergarten. In high school I remember him as the cocky ass hole who played 3 sports and didn't do homework. It wasn't until College that we found our way back to each other. I figured out that he was perfect, the man of my dreams. He sent me flowers for no reason at all and he always put a smile on my face. He'd send me text messages randomly telling me how beautiful I was and I'd always come home to a home-cooked meal and a kiss. He would take me on weekend trips to the Bahamas, New York and various other places just because he could. Graham had been a pilot ever since I could remember. He got his pilots license in College and a plane as a gift from his parents. It was a Boeing 747SP. One of the most expensive and luxurious private jets you could own at the time. It was his dream to own his very own plane and being an only child, his parents pulled through.
We married when I was 21. My parents thought it was too young to marry and they haven't talked to me since. His parents have always been very supportive and now is when I have needed them the most. Because of the circumstances, I am closer to them than ever.
It was a rainy day when I got the call. I had just returned from a double shift at the hospital and I was cuddled up in my favorite blanket on the sofa. The call was from my Hospital, a frequent occurrence and I assumed that someone was having a baby and needed me to be there for moral support. But it wasn't. It was a call to tell me that Graham had been seriously injured in a plane accident on his way home from Minnesota where he was visiting his best friend. I told him I should have gone with him but he wouldn't let me because I was feeling sick. Doctors feared he wasn't going to make it through the night in the condition he was in.
The hours upon hours that I sat in Grahams hospital room went by slowly and each hour he was getting progressively worse. Until 6:52am when he finally flat lined. His funeral was hard to get through, more so than the exact minute he died. I cried hysterically for about 2 hours until his parents finally got the news.
There hasn't been rain since. I rarely leave the house except to go to work. I can't even go to the grocery store. And I sure as hell can't go anywhere alone or go into the apartment that Graham and I shared. On the weekends, I sit in Grahams parent's house and look at pictures. I can hardly face the outside world. I have lost the only one close to me and shortly after his death, I discovered that I was 4 months pregnant with his child.
The days are slowly going by faster but not a single minute goes by where I don't think about Graham and the baby that I am carrying. Most think its a blessing that I am carrying Grahams baby but at this point I am more scared than ever.
I don't exactly know how I am going to continue on with a normal life. But my first priority is finding a new house to live in.
