I couldn't remember the last time I heard thunder and because of it, I awoke 2 hours before I needed to. My shift didn't start for another 3 hours and I knew Graham's dad, Harry, wouldn't be awake yet. Grahams parents were the only ones I ever talked to. Generally Harry and I were closer because his wife Miranda was always in bed by 9pm sharp.
The thunderstorm definitely started my day off on the wrong foot. I already had to work an 18 hour shift at the hospital. I hated not getting a good night sleep and I was never ready to eat this early. So I walked down to the 24-hour coffee shop because I knew I would be overly tired during work and I didn't want to wake Harry and Miranda Sminote. This was the same coffee shop that Graham got me coffee from at least twice a week. It was the richest, hottest coffee in town.
When I got to the coffee shop, it was closed. I thought it was pretty unusual for a 24 hour coffee shop. It's nice outside. Just the perfect temperature for a pregnant woman like me to be wearing short sleeves. Instead of waiting for a cup of coffee I just decided to walk to the other coffee shop at the end of the block. Its been a week or so since the last time I was in Castle Apartments. Things haven't really changed.
I waddled into the other coffee shop and bought a cup of coffee. Like I said, I wasn't very hungry but free food is free food. So I joined in on the promotion they had a ate a complimentary waffle. I'm sure my growing child appreciated the extra food.
As I walked back to the Sminote's house, the house Graham grew up in, I thought about how much I love my job as an Obstetrician. My patients always have smiles on their faces which distracts me from mourning the loss of my husband and baby's father and they all are such nice women who are thrilled that I am finally having a child of my own.
Eventually I got to work. It was a slow day at the hospital which is sometimes good. I only saw a couple patients and didn't have to do any deliveries. It sure was a relief after the morning I had.
When things got really slow, I went and found my friend Paige, also an obstetrician. It had been a while since I heard my baby's heart beat and that was what always kept me going.
"Paige, Do you have any patients scheduled for the next 30 or so minutes?" I asked.
"No. Why do you ask?" she replied.
"Well I was just wondering if you would do an ultra sound for me just to kill some time."
"I'd love to!" said Paige.
Paige was so excited that I was pregnant. Her and her husband Mark got married around the same time that Graham and I did. She's been one of my good friends for a while and I want her to deliver my child. I had the chance to find out the sex of the baby but I decided against it. We all knew Grahams parents wanted a girl and I used to also but ever since I met the blind man I have been playing things day by day. I am just happy to have my life and to be carrying Graham's child. I have no control of what the sex of my baby is. I must remember what the blind man said, "What will come will come. Even if I shroud it all in silence."
Once I finally got home from what seemed like the longest most boring shift ever, the Sminotes had dinner waiting for me. We talked about how much we missed Graham and I told them I wanted the sex of my baby to be a surprise.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Monday, October 3, 2011
Number 2
On my way to work a couple mornings ago I passed what appeared to be a blind man sitting on the sidewalk. He wasn't asking for change directly but you could tell he needed a little help. I hesitated to give him some change. The only reason I even gave him a couple dollars worth of quarters was because in some way I felt a real connection with him.
For the first time in my life I had no one to turn to. Graham was no longer here for me although I knew he was here in spirit. I imagined that this man had no one to turn to either. I could tell he had no where to keep his belongings because he was wearing a winter hat in the middle of summer. After my change jingled against the copper of the blind man's bowl he muttered something that I could hardly understand. He said something a long the lines of "What will come will come. Even if I shroud it all in silence."
At first it seemed like nothing. But after he said that my connection with him grew even stronger. I couldn't stop thinking about what he meant. But for some reason I felt like he was trying to help me in some way. Like he knew what I was going through.
I couldn't stop thinking about my encounter with the blind man and I never made it to work. Instead I took a walk in Sherwood park and eventually made my way back to Graham's parents house where I had more time alone to think. What did the blind man's words mean exactly? Did he know what I was going through? What was he going through?
That night after I had fallen to sleep I dreamt of Graham. He was telling me to befriend the blind man. But I wasn't sure why. I sure miss Graham and I wish he was here to tell me what exactly this all meant. I miss everything about him. His distinct smell, his beautiful blue eyes, his chocolate brown hair, and those sweet text messages I randomly got throughout the day.
I haven't made much progress on finding a new house to live in. I haven't been to Castle apartment number 444, the apartment Graham and I shared for so many years. My body is changing daily and I rarely wander far from Graham's parents house. There still isn't a moment that goes by where I'm not thinking about Graham and this baby.
I'm still scared about the future. But that blind man has given me some much needed hope.
For the first time in my life I had no one to turn to. Graham was no longer here for me although I knew he was here in spirit. I imagined that this man had no one to turn to either. I could tell he had no where to keep his belongings because he was wearing a winter hat in the middle of summer. After my change jingled against the copper of the blind man's bowl he muttered something that I could hardly understand. He said something a long the lines of "What will come will come. Even if I shroud it all in silence."
At first it seemed like nothing. But after he said that my connection with him grew even stronger. I couldn't stop thinking about what he meant. But for some reason I felt like he was trying to help me in some way. Like he knew what I was going through.
I couldn't stop thinking about my encounter with the blind man and I never made it to work. Instead I took a walk in Sherwood park and eventually made my way back to Graham's parents house where I had more time alone to think. What did the blind man's words mean exactly? Did he know what I was going through? What was he going through?
That night after I had fallen to sleep I dreamt of Graham. He was telling me to befriend the blind man. But I wasn't sure why. I sure miss Graham and I wish he was here to tell me what exactly this all meant. I miss everything about him. His distinct smell, his beautiful blue eyes, his chocolate brown hair, and those sweet text messages I randomly got throughout the day.
I haven't made much progress on finding a new house to live in. I haven't been to Castle apartment number 444, the apartment Graham and I shared for so many years. My body is changing daily and I rarely wander far from Graham's parents house. There still isn't a moment that goes by where I'm not thinking about Graham and this baby.
I'm still scared about the future. But that blind man has given me some much needed hope.
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