Since my encounter with Graham life has been somewhat normal again. I went back to work and discovered that this is my real calling in life. I'm doing what I love, I'm living through Graham, and I'm finally moving on.
Yesterday was an exceptional day at the office. I witnessed someone do the unthinkable for another person despite her own story. I was called into room 149 on the first floor of the hospital, the emergency room floor. This was far from my normal 6th floor visits for labor and delivery.
I met 2 strong and powerful women named Spring and Linda. Both of these women are women I aspire to be for their kindness toward one another, their willing to open up, which I struggle with, and their innate ability to see the good in every situation.
Spring's story is very similar to mine, but worlds apart at the same time. She lost everything. Her baby, her fiance and so much more. Spring met her ex-fiance in High school, just like Graham and I. But Spring and Robbie were put into an intense situation when Spring found out that she was pregnant at 17. Robbie acted cool about the situation but when Spring miscarried months into her pregnancy Robbie flew from the scene. He didn't stay to help Spring come to terms with what she had just been through. Yet Spring was helping Linda when she was mugged and her husband wasn't there. Essentially, Spring saved the life of Linda and her child.
Their story taught me that I need to let go. Spring doesn't know it but she helped me immensely. She made me realize that you can lose everything and still be a good Samaritan and still have a life to live. Here I am with a baby who at times I can't even face because he reminds me so much of Graham. I neglect his attention on other days because I wasn't prepared to be a single mother.
Right after Graham died I saw happy couples walking around town and I would find myself wishing negative thoughts on them. I didn't think it was fair for them to have their loved ones and for me to have nothing.
Spring really brought the light at the end of the tunnel for me. She brought Graham's wish for me to move on to reality. She moved on and she is still so strong and collected. Looking at me, one would think I was hit by a train, but looking at her you can't even begin to think she has been through hell and back.
When I got home from work I went over to my castle apartment for the first time since the break in. I cleaned out Graham's closet and boxed up everything else in the apartment. I am ready to rid myself of apartment 444 for good.
The last thing I did was listen to the 67 phone messages I had. They were all from my mother. The only phone number she had for me. She's heard from some of my friends that I've had a baby and that Graham passed away. She asked an endless amount of questions that I couldn't even begin to think about answering.
"Why didn't you call Ri?"
"Why didn't you tell us what you were going through?"
"We would have been there in a matter of minutes."
"You will always be our little girl."
"Riley, please call us back. We have so much to catch up on."
"We miss you."
"We want to be a part of you and your sons lives."
"You're not answering, I've called everyday, twice a day for the last 3 weeks. I got in touch with Harry and Miranda. I'll be there on Saturday."
The last one threw me off. I listened to her messages, shed a couple tears, and proceeded to drop the phone and the answering machine off my 4th story apartment balcony. My mother hated my guts after I married Graham. She wanted nothing to do with me. But now that she knows he's gone she wants to be apart of my life? And just because shes Austin's grandmother she wants to act like she needs to be apart of his life? I don't want my son around someone who is up supportive of me. Him and I are one. If you don't want to be a part of my life over some stupid christian values. Then you can't be apart of his.
I thought I was a new found person. I was going to move on, forget about the past. But hearing my mother's voice was simply too much for right now. I couldn't quite get over that yet.
It's Thursday, and my mother will be here Saturday, I'm leaving tomorrow morning and I'm headed to Key West to visit an old college friend. Just me and Austin.
Good luck finding me there, Mom.
