Number 5

The last couple of days have been hard. I am still physically and emotionally drained from all of the events.

It's been a couple days since Laney went missing, and early yesterday morning Vinny and I started our search for Laney once again. We had no intentions of allowing her to spend the Holidays alone. Plus it started snowing a couple of days ago and for all we know, Laney could be lost somewhere out in the cold and her jacket is back at the orphanage.

My desperate hunt for Laney has kept me distracted from the burglars as well as my pregnancy. I didn't think it was possible but Laney almost kept me too distracted from my pregnancy.

It was about 2:30 yesterday when it started snowing. For the first time since I've been pregnant, the temperature dropped below freezing, so I wasn't quite sure how to dress. I put on my maternity jeans over a pair of fleece leggings, a long sleeve shirt, one of Graham's sweaters, a peacoat that barely covered my belly, and a scarf. I figured I would be plenty warm and if it got too hot I would take off some layers.

Boy did I take of layers! It wasn't until I broke out in a sweat wearing only my long sleeve t-shirt that I noticed something wasn't right. I sat on a bench in Sherwood park next to Vinny watching all of the people skate on the lake that had frozen overnight. I began to feel nauseous and I was going in and out of consciousness. I started to forget where I was and the last thing I remember was waking up in the Hospital surrounded by co-workers, Graham's parents, and Vinny.

Vinny said that I wasn't responding to him and that I just randomly went unconscious. He called an ambulance and they rushed me to the Hospital.

After the burglars broke into my apartment, I took a couple of days off of work just to regroup. I also skipped my last doctors appointment which I probably shouldn't have done. I just didn't feel like facing all of my co-workers quite yet.

Paige dismissed everyone from my room and told me what was going on. She began with a serious tone. Her doctor tone, one that I never get to hear since we're always just joking around. Her tone of voice scared me. I didn't know what was going on.

"Riley, you almost died. If it weren't for Vinny and his fast response to you going unconscious you may have joined Graham in heaven."

"Well, well whhaa, whatt happened? Why? I just don't understand!" I replied.

"Riley, due to the fact that you skipped your last doctor's appointment, you wouldn't have known this. But your child's blood supply was almost completely cut off due to a compressed umbilical cord. We were able to go in a open the cord back up so that your child didn't pass. And you're lucky you didn't either."

"I just can't believe this! This is my job, this is what I do for a living! How did I not know?!"

"Riley everything is okay. You just need to forgive yourself. This isn't your fault. I'm going to need you to stay at the hospital for observation for the next week. You're going to be a mom sooner than you expected. We should have your child delivered in the next couple of days."

I panicked, "I'm not ready for this! I need Graham! I don't have anything ready! No house, no nothing! Please No! I need this last month to prepare! And what about Laney?"

"You're going to be fine I promise, now there are some visitors waiting patiently outside for you."

And that is how my yesterday went. Hopefully today serves me better. I'm just sitting here in this hospital bed waiting on the arrival of my child and praying that Laney is safe.

Number 4

Today was my day off. But of course something always gets in the way whenever I decide to take a day to pamper myself.

My plans were as follows:
Go to Zumba Class
To get my nails done
Get a massage
Get a belly casting
Cook dinner for Grahams parent's, the Sminotes

But instead I was forced to wake up early because some idiots decided it would be a fantastic idea to break into my Castle apartment which had almost nothing in it. They didn't even steal sentimental things, or big electronics. My laptop was untouched, the flat screen Graham bought me for Christmas one year, that was actually for him was still there, and a nice surround sound system hadn't been moved.

Rather than the expensive things I had, they stole shoes. I mean shoes can get expensive, especially for a girl like me who was a shoe diva. But since I practically live at the Sminote's house, none of my nice shoes were there. I had taken all of my boots, flats, and heels to my bedroom at Graham's parents. They didn't even steal PAIRS of shoes. They stole LEFT shoes. What idiots.

I honestly wasn't very upset about the shoes that got stolen. Nor was I that upset that my day to myself had been ruined. What irked me the most was that these Burglars forced me to go into apartment 444. The apartment that Graham and I shared some time ago. I hadn't seen the inside of this apartment for more than a month and I wanted to keep it that way.

I was finally moving on with life for the betterment of my child, work, and personal reasons. I started hanging out with friends again, making dinner for Graham's parents and even going to Zumba classes in my spare time. Things were finally looking up for me. The blind man I met weeks ago had made a huge impact on my decisions and efforts in life. He truly inspired me.

But this selfish burglar made everything around me stop. It was like I was still moving but everyone around me was frozen. I looked through Graham's old closet to make sure nothing was stolen. His things were the last connection I still had with him. Every once in a while I would wear one of his sweaters and pull it off like a cute maternity outfit.

Once the cops talked to me I told them that not much was stolen and that I wanted to leave. They respected my wishes and I took a walk around my old neighborhood. It was sunny now which made me realize that I must have spent hours upon hours in that apartment. Time felt frozen but life on the outside continued.

Since my day off had practically been ruined and the hole in my heart was widened. I decided that maybe I could help fill my heart by going to the orphanage and reading to the children.

Upon entering the orphanage a child ran up to me and asked if I had seen a small girl named Laney. With regret I said no and a middle aged man approached me to explain what the young child was talking about.

He spoke with a sad voice, "Laney is a young girl who has been at the orphanage for a year or so now. She's sweet, kind hearted and she loves to play with dollies. She went missing right from the orphanage about a week ago and ever since then the kids have been wondering where she is."

I replied with what must have looked like a concerned look and said "Well is there any way I can help? I have no plans for the rest of the day."

Vinny showed me a note that was slipped under his door of his castle apartment. It was Vinny's worst nightmare. Someone knew where Laney was. But was unwilling to help. Laney was probably scared out of her mind yet someone was playing a game with her. All I knew was that Christmas was fast approaching and I didn't want Laney to spend it alone.

At this point, I had completely forgotten about the Burglars and had a new distraction from thinking about Graham.

And that is when Vinny and I began our hunt for Laney.

Number 3

I couldn't remember the last time I heard thunder and because of it, I awoke 2 hours before I needed to. My shift didn't start for another 3 hours and I knew Graham's dad, Harry, wouldn't be awake yet. Grahams parents were the only ones I ever talked to. Generally Harry and I were closer because his wife Miranda was always in bed by 9pm sharp.

The thunderstorm definitely started my day off on the wrong foot. I already had to work an 18 hour shift at the hospital. I hated not getting a good night sleep and I was never ready to eat this early. So I walked down to the 24-hour coffee shop because I knew I would be overly tired during work and I didn't want to wake Harry and Miranda Sminote. This was the same coffee shop that Graham got me coffee from at least twice a week. It was the richest, hottest coffee in town.

When I got to the coffee shop, it was closed. I thought it was pretty unusual for a 24 hour coffee shop. It's nice outside. Just the perfect temperature for a pregnant woman like me to be wearing short sleeves. Instead of waiting for a cup of coffee I just decided to walk to the other coffee shop at the end of the block. Its been a week or so since the last time I was in Castle Apartments. Things haven't really changed.

I waddled into the other coffee shop and bought a cup of coffee. Like I said, I wasn't very hungry but free food is free food. So I joined in on the promotion they had a ate a complimentary waffle. I'm sure my growing child appreciated the extra food.

As I walked back to the Sminote's house, the house Graham grew up in, I thought about how much I love my job as an Obstetrician. My patients always have smiles on their faces which distracts me from mourning the loss of my husband and baby's father and they all are such nice women who are thrilled that I am finally having a child of my own.

Eventually I got to work. It was a slow day at the hospital which is sometimes good. I only saw a couple patients and didn't have to do any deliveries. It sure was a relief after the morning I had.

When things got really slow, I went and found my friend Paige, also an obstetrician. It had been a while since I heard my baby's heart beat and that was what always kept me going.

"Paige, Do you have any patients scheduled for the next 30 or so minutes?" I asked.
"No. Why do you ask?" she replied.
"Well I was just wondering if you would do an ultra sound for me just to kill some time."
"I'd love to!" said Paige.

Paige was so excited that I was pregnant. Her and her husband Mark got married around the same time that Graham and I did. She's been one of my good friends for a while and I want her to deliver my child. I had the chance to find out the sex of the baby but I decided against it. We all knew Grahams parents wanted a girl and I used to also but ever since I met the blind man I have been playing things day by day. I am just happy to have my life and to be carrying Graham's child. I have no control of what the sex of my baby is. I must remember what the blind man said, "What will come will come. Even if I shroud it all in silence."

Once I finally got home from what seemed like the longest most boring shift ever, the Sminotes had dinner waiting for me. We talked about how much we missed Graham and I told them I wanted the sex of my baby to be a surprise.

Number 2

On my way to work a couple mornings ago I passed what appeared to be a blind man sitting on the sidewalk. He wasn't asking for change directly but you could tell he needed a little help. I hesitated to give him some change. The only reason I even gave him a couple dollars worth of quarters was because in some way I felt a real connection with him.

For the first time in my life I had no one to turn to. Graham was no longer here for me although I knew he was here in spirit. I imagined that this man had no one to turn to either. I could tell he had no where to keep his belongings because he was wearing a winter hat in the middle of summer. After my change jingled against the copper of the blind man's bowl he muttered something that I could hardly understand. He said something a long the lines of "What will come will come. Even if I shroud it all in silence."

At first it seemed like nothing. But after he said that my connection with him grew even stronger. I couldn't stop thinking about what he meant. But for some reason I felt like he was trying to help me in some way. Like he knew what I was going through.

I couldn't stop thinking about my encounter with the blind man and I never made it to work. Instead I took a walk in Sherwood park and eventually made my way back to Graham's parents house where I had more time alone to think. What did the blind man's words mean exactly? Did he know what I was going through? What was he going through?

That night after I had fallen to sleep I dreamt of Graham. He was telling me to befriend the blind man. But I wasn't sure why. I sure miss Graham and I wish he was here to tell me what exactly this all meant. I miss everything about him. His distinct smell, his beautiful blue eyes, his chocolate brown hair, and those sweet text messages I randomly got throughout the day.

I haven't made much progress on finding a new house to live in. I haven't been to Castle apartment number 444, the apartment Graham and I shared for so many years. My body is changing daily and I rarely wander far from Graham's parents house. There still isn't a moment that goes by where I'm not thinking about Graham and this baby.

I'm still scared about the future. But that blind man has given me some much needed hope.

Number 1

The day started out with crying as it has for the past month or so. My senses are numb and the days have all started to blur together. I wake up, get dressed, cringe at the sight of my changing body and go to work in the neighboring city at the hospital. I haven't been staying in my Castle apartment since I got the news and to be honest I don't think I can ever sleep there again. I plan on moving out as soon as the summer is over.

He was 6'4'' with beautiful blue eyes and the darkest brown hair you could imagine. We both graduated from the Benedict Jones school where he started there in 4th grade and I started in Kindergarten. In high school I remember him as the cocky ass hole who played 3 sports and didn't do homework. It wasn't until College that we found our way back to each other. I figured out that he was perfect, the man of my dreams. He sent me flowers for no reason at all and he always put a smile on my face. He'd send me text messages randomly telling me how beautiful I was and I'd always come home to a home-cooked meal and a kiss. He would take me on weekend trips to the Bahamas, New York and various other places just because he could. Graham had been a pilot ever since I could remember. He got his pilots license in College and a plane as a gift from his parents. It was a Boeing 747SP. One of the most expensive and luxurious private jets you could own at the time. It was his dream to own his very own plane and being an only child, his parents pulled through.

We married when I was 21. My parents thought it was too young to marry and they haven't talked to me since. His parents have always been very supportive and now is when I have needed them the most. Because of the circumstances, I am closer to them than ever.

It was a rainy day when I got the call. I had just returned from a double shift at the hospital and I was cuddled up in my favorite blanket on the sofa. The call was from my Hospital, a frequent occurrence and I assumed that someone was having a baby and needed me to be there for moral support. But it wasn't. It was a call to tell me that Graham had been seriously injured in a plane accident on his way home from Minnesota where he was visiting his best friend. I told him I should have gone with him but he wouldn't let me because I was feeling sick. Doctors feared he wasn't going to make it through the night in the condition he was in.

The hours upon hours that I sat in Grahams hospital room went by slowly and each hour he was getting progressively worse. Until 6:52am when he finally flat lined. His funeral was hard to get through, more so than the exact minute he died. I cried hysterically for about 2 hours until his parents finally got the news.

There hasn't been rain since. I rarely leave the house except to go to work. I can't even go to the grocery store. And I sure as hell can't go anywhere alone or go into the apartment that Graham and I shared. On the weekends, I sit in Grahams parent's house and look at pictures. I can hardly face the outside world. I have lost the only one close to me and shortly after his death, I discovered that I was 4 months pregnant with his child.

The days are slowly going by faster but not a single minute goes by where I don't think about Graham and the baby that I am carrying. Most think its a blessing that I am carrying Grahams baby but at this point I am more scared than ever.

I don't exactly know how I am going to continue on with a normal life. But my first priority is finding a new house to live in.